Quick Thoughts on Romance
Dec 21, 2011
I was going to post this as a comment to the last post, but since this is MY BLOG and my thoughts are THE MOST IMPORTANT so I get CENTER STAGE and also I am THE SMARTEST, I am going to make a WHOLE POST out of it.
A few have noted that it’s possible for a man with SSA to have deep relationships with other men without these being sinful. I definitely agree. I think such friendships are not only good but incredibly important, lest chastity become just plain loneliness.
A few have also compared this situation to a man (without SSA) having a chaste, but nevertheless deep, friendship with a woman. I think that’s a pretty good comparison — such friendships are certainly possible and certainly good.
The comparison isn’t perfect, though. It seems to me that as a friendship between a man and woman deepens, there is a natural tendency towards romance. I know this isn’t true in every case, but it still constitutes a tendency. On the other hand, in my experience, as friendship deepens between two men (even if one or both of them have SSA), the tendency isn’t towards romance, but just — deeper friendship.
I think we have a tendency to consider friendship and romance/eros as differing only in degree (that’s why people always say: “More than just a friend.” I don’t believe that’s the case. They differ in kind.
Speaking again from my own experience, when I initially make a solid connection with another man, there’s a period where romance rears its head, and where I’m tempted to think of him as THE ONE — that one perfect companion, soulmate, comforter, etc. that so many men with SSA long for. If the friendship survives this phase, the next phase isn’t romance at all; the romance part is usually due to me idolizing him, projecting onto him qualities he doesn’t have.
So, to sum up: I don’t look for romance with a man. The romance part is usually just what happens before I actually get to know and love him for real.