I mean. Hello. Hail. O Jesus. This carpet always smells funny. God, that twinge in my back. Sorry: I mean gosh. Hello, Jesus. Mind if I sit close to you today?
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Sh★t, I’m late again, only five minutes this time though. Hi, T., you sweet old lady; sorry about that, you can go now. Okay, focus.
7:05. That means I should probably stay five minutes extra, right? But I don’t want to be legalistic. Jesus, it’s not like staying for five more minutes will make you love me any extra, right? But it’s just five minutes. Well, let’s see how it goes.
Focus. Bless us, O Lord, and these thy…I mean. Can we start again?
Hello, Jesus. My back hurts. Sorry, I don’t mean to start in on you with that already. It’s just frustrating, is all. I mean how am I supposed to pray if my back hurts? Okay, offer it up. Here we go: Jesus, I offer you this back pain. You can have it for my friend C. You can have it for my roommate P. You can have it for my sister A.
Sh★t, that hurts. I’m going to sit on the floor. You don’t mind, right? That’s better. Yeah, what are you looking at, lady, you pray your way and I’ll pray mine.
Jesus, I haven’t been feeling so good. I can’t shake that sadness this week. Sorry, I don’t mean to start in on you with that already. I mean, it’s just, am I doing something wrong? What do I need to do better? COULD YOU MAYBE LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE?
Sorry. I mean: thank you, Jesus, for whatever the HELL…Sorry, thank you, Jesus, for the great things that you are accomplishing in my life. Thank you even for this sadness. I don’t know what it’s for; but you know. Help me to thank you for this. I am offering up this sadness for O., who is worse off than I am. Lord, take care of him, please. And poor confused T. She doesn’t know her ass from her elbow. And her grammar…Sorry.
Okay, ouch. I’m moving to the recliner. Has M. been sleeping there again? I think I saw her drooling on it last week.
Phew, that’s better. ONLY 7:15…Thank you, Jesus, that we have lots of time left together this morning. I love spending time with you. I wish I could have been there to sit at your feet. I’d probably cry on them…I wonder if Mary Magdalene got snot on his feet. Ew, and then she wiped the snot up with her hair.
Try this. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside the still waters. Can’t wait for the beach this summer. He restoreth my soul. You do, Lord, you restore it. He maketh me to walk in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou…for thou…okay, breathe. Sheesh, f★cking hard week. Sorry, sorry! For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest…I wonder if that guy up front is upset too or if he just has allergies. I need to go get some toilet paper. Be right back.
Here I am again. Here I am, Lord. I know you love me. I remember what you did for me, I meditate on all your doings. I remember: From anguish you released me; have mercy and hear me! I remember college, I remember how you led me out of the desert, eight years ago. And five years ago, too. And three years ago. And I remember what you did for me on Easter. I can’t wait for Pentecost…
…Awesome nap…oops. Wow, 8:03! Perfect. I mean, sorry. I’m totally going to stay those extra five minutes. Only two left.
Okay, Lord. Thank you for this time together. Sorry for, you know. All that. I was trying. Okay, not very hard. I’ll try to listen better next time. See you soon.
Beautiful out here. Thank you for that. Oh, I smell lilacs.