Jumbled

4 years ago with 23 comments in Uncategorized
I’m grateful for the recent influx of traffic, from Matt Fradd’s site and others. At the same time I’m a little concerned that people seeing my blog for the first time are not seeing me at my best: folks, I swear, three months ago I was not a complete neurotic mess. Neither I nor even Father T. know exactly what is going on here, or why this present darkness is so extreme ...

God’s Away On Business

4 years ago with 7 comments in Uncategorized
Back from vacation! Trying to sort out my life in time for the *sigh* coming work week. I am working on a blog post and also a post for another, slightly more public forum. So, good times ahead. Meanwhile, though, I want to share with you something that gives me a great deal of pleasure. Doubtless it is a perverse and disturbed kind of pleasure, but I takes it where I can gets it. I think my ...

Mercy

4 years ago with 13 comments in Uncategorized
I’m annoyed with the Lord. The situation reminds me of a joke about the Holy Family: poor Joseph, whenever anything was wrong in that household, it was GUARANTEED to be his fault. Same deal here: when I’m having a fight with God, He’s not going to be the one who has to apologize when it’s over. I’m annoyed because of this verse in Psalm 26: In the day of my ...

Maine

4 years ago with 8 comments in Uncategorized
I’m at my friend C.’s lakeside cabin in Maine. We have done nothing the past three days besides eat, sleep, talk, and swim a little. He is here on a sort of retreat from his life, and my situation is similar. Good place for it. Sitting on the deck, we hear the sounds of water, birdsong, insects, the occasional powerboat, the cry of a loon. I am here on my motorcycle, breaking in ...

Pills

4 years ago with 43 comments in Uncategorized
I told you I wasn’t going to do this. I also told myself and a whole bunch of other people that I wasn’t going to do this. But I did it: I got myself a prescription for some happiness pills. They are small and white and oval and I take one every morning at nine o’clock. And I’m glad. They aren’t supposed to work right away. Doc said three weeks (and silently I ...

The Weed

5 years ago with 11 comments in Uncategorized
Happy Corpus Christi! I’m at my parents’ house for the weekend, bracing myself to go back to the nomadic existence that I’m just gonna have to deal with for a while — bouncing around between my sister’s house, my brother’s house, and my [old] roommates’ house, when I can handle the latter. So conditions are not ideal for posting. In the mean time ...

Journal: Grace Does Not Destroy Nature

5 years ago with 21 comments in Uncategorized
On Sundays, I usually replace normal prayer time with spiritual reading. It’s a bit more relaxed (as befits a Sunday), I can have coffee and cigarettes while I do it (I don’t think Jesus minds), and it’s always wonderfully worthwhile. Lately I have been reading Frank Sheed’s Theology and Sanity, and keeping a Bible and my journal nearby. Last Sunday’s session ...

What Is Queer?

5 years ago with 33 comments in Uncategorized
Br. Gabriel, OP asks in the comments: I want to ask a really, really, controversial question. Your post made me think about it because you didn’t say anything about it explicitly but I felt it might be lurking in the background. The question is about the inner fear of not doing everything to “fix this” issue. What if part of the fear of and ostracism of reparative therapy is that it partially ...

It’s The Hope

5 years ago with 27 comments in Uncategorized
It’s not the despair…I can take the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand.1 Seems like nearly everybody knows about my SSA these days. My landlord knows, for goodness’ sake. My landlord, H., also happens to be a coworker and an old friend, and someone who’s been through a lot himself — even before I knew some of the details, I always thought he had the ...