Comments on: The Gift of a Burden

By: MAMaK

MAMaK — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 16:19:52 +0000

I am going to have to agree with Mark a little on this.
I can certainly appreciate the beauty of someone of the opposite sex, though I don’t know if I’d yet call it “attraction.” I do feel clumsy using the term “SSA” in speech (I still do), but it is always easier to use the word “gay.” Then again, many wise people have said, “Soon will come the time to choose between what is right and what is easy.” I don’t have too strong an opinion on what word you use, just that you remember the truth of the situation.

I find it easier to remember this truth using the term “SSA,” others may have an easier time using the term “gay” without breaking to the secular culture’s view on it. To each his own. Language is a tool for us to use however we can. The underlying concepts are objective, but the words we use to describe them are not. My friends and I have an inside joke that YOLO could be a slang term for someone who is gay (You Obviously Love Oreos (in reference to the “recent” Oreo add that sent the internet into chaos)).

Language is a tool.

God Bless you all.
PAX VOBISCVM QVOD VOS AMAT DEVS
MAMaK

By: Mark from PA

Mark from PA — Sun, 05 Aug 2012 02:53:05 +0000

Orthodox and Gay, I agree with what you are saying here. I actually like the term gay and find it somewhat freeing. I also have come to the conclusion that straight people who don’t like the term gay in general don’t like gay people either. I find it troubling that “Courage” doesn’t like people to refer to themselves as gay. Sadly, in my opinion, Courage has allowed itself to be used by the NARTH group which tends to hold stereotypical views of gay people. I feel uncomfortable with the term SSA. I actually have never heard anyone use this word in speech. It is not an expression used where I live. In truth I think most people have some degree of same sex attraction. Most people find some people of the same sex to be attractive and on the other hand most gay people find some people of the opposite sex to be attractive.

By: Christie

Christie — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 16:11:25 +0000

Steve, it made my heart happy to hear about the ease with which you share what was once a Deep Dark Secret. My day is brighter now.

By: Briana

Briana — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 00:52:17 +0000

I absolutely love this. My friends tell me their problems all the time, usually with an apology for venting or for “burdening me.” I’ve never understood this. Being needed and trusted by another person is an absolutely amazing feeling. I love helping people, even if it’s just through listening. I believe you covered that very well. Just backing it up from the other side.

By: Will

Will — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 15:45:30 +0000

Thanks for recommending the essay in First Things. I enjoyed reading it. I agree that words are important, and we need to be careful in the words we choose to define ourselves. I can understand that, for many people, the word “gay” still suggests a particular lifestyle that is not in line with Catholic teachings, and I can understand the hesitation to use that word. However, maybe by calling myself a “gay Catholic,” I can help show others (who may feel alienated from the Church) that it is possible to be Catholic and have SSA.
Let’s consider the word “Christian.” As a Christian, I want to help define to the world what it means to be a Christian in a way that the world can understand. Many who call themselves Christians, in my opinion, do not act in a loving way. Similarly, I can help define how a person can be “gay” but still Catholic at the same time.
I do not necessarily agree that SSA is something that should be celebrated as “good” in itself. On the other hand, I believe it is part of the human condition and not something that needs to be hidden or be a source of shame. That attitude, in general, has led to a lot of problems for the Catholic Church, in my opinion.
“Gay” is a word that is generally used in American society to describe SSA (although it can mean other things to other people). To me, it just seems that NOT to use the word “gay” gives the word even more power than it deserves.

By: anthony

anthony — Sat, 28 Jul 2012 12:01:23 +0000

Dan Mattson has an essay in First Things about the whole calling oneself a “gay catholic” discussion. some may enjoy reading it and the comments?

http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/2012/07/why-i-donrsquot-call-myself-a-gay-christian-1

By: Will

Will — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 17:53:58 +0000

I understand the point that homosexual or gay is more of an adjective than a noun. I guess I believe that all nouns are in flux anyway. The word “gay” is a word that means different things to different peoplle. I think that to the general American public, the word gay no longer really implies a particular form of behavior or set of beliefs. It just describes same-sex attraction. As an American citizen, I might as well use the same vocabulary as other American citizens. Personally, I don’t want to live in a “Catholic ghetto” that has its own separate vocabulary, any more than I want to live in a “gay ghetto” that has its own lexicon. It is a confusing issue for a lot of people, I think, and I still struggle with it, to be honest.
Thanks.

By: TheGafster

TheGafster — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 16:48:00 +0000

To back up Nathan’s point, Courage doesn’t allow their members to refer to themselves as “gay or lesbian”.

By: Will

Will — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 14:58:43 +0000

Hi,
Personally, once I developed a stronger connection with God , I was able to overcome some of my fear of being open with others. Once I realized that my relationship with God was paramount, and that God loves me, then I did not care as much what others might think about me. In other words, if I know who I am and God knows who I am, then what difference does it make what others might say about me? I say, let others think what they will….I have no control over what others might think anyway. In other words, if I know that my actions and thoughts are good in the eyes of God, then that is all that matters. It does not matter what others might say or think about me. Even though this sounds simple, it took me a long time to understand this, because I was not close to God and was living in fear of others for a long time. So, to me, the label “gay” is not that important. It is only a word, and all words are just “suppositions” and not “facts.” I help to define the word “gay” by how I live my life. The meanings of words evolve over time. They are used for human communication and have importance on the level of human interaction. Only God knows me as I truly am. First and foremost, I want to please God. Thanks.

By: Anthony

Anthony — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 14:32:17 +0000

Thanks for another great post Steve, I ditto all the other comments. Very few people in my life know, but those that do are very supportive. I keep wondering if I should disclose this to more people, but then keep coming around to the fact that I think enough people already know, and I can’t find a really good enough reason to tell more (save the empathy thing). And, I can always talk to God about it. He knows me better than anyone. Right now I find it more important to focus on fostering healthy, intimate and chaste relationships with those I love and who love me, and that doesn’t necessarily mean revealing my SSA to them. But, time will tell. Peace, and God Bless.