Power Vacuum

3 years ago with 33 comments in Uncategorized
That God exists and that He is good, I have no doubt. But I don’t know what His goodness means. Some time ago, my old friend R. left the Church. She left because, she said, the pressure of trying to make her everyday experience, all things manifold and strange and painful and joyful and contradictory, fit within the structure of Catholicism, was making her crazy. So she stopped trying ...

Masks

3 years ago with 15 comments in Uncategorized
Back when I was in college and as crazy as a bedbug — a bedbug on a steady diet of caffeine, nicotine, and Nietzsche — I decided I was the phoniest bastard in the history of the universe and I wasn’t going to stand it anymore. I lie constantly, I told myself, and not only in words: I lie with my face, my tone of voice, my gestures, and even the way I walk. That raised ...

Spiders

3 years ago with 13 comments in Uncategorized
“You’re gonna have to call in a prescription for more adderal,” says an instant message from my friend S. “My head is all fuzzy.” Oops, that wasn’t for me. S. hastily explains that he was trying to chat his wife, but got the wrong window. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD for ages, he says, and the last couple of weeks has been trying to cope with it ...

Sodom and the Madonna

3 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
“What on earth am I doing?” is what I completely fail to think, as I position my hand so that when the portly-but-attractive bartender (has he been giving me the eye, or is it my imagination?) puts my glass back down on the counter, his fingers will make contact with mine. It works — can’t have been by accident, he could easily have avoided the touch — and I also ...

Interlude: Kung Fu

4 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
In transit again, this time outside Kung Fu. I like sitting in my car and typing away. Maybe this could be a start of one of those famous Neurotic Writers’ Habits, like how Graham Greene would sit watching license plates until he saw the right number combination, and then he could write. Maybe eventually I won’t be able to write except in my car. Then again, who wants to be Graham ...

Interlude: On Hope

4 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
I’m sitting in the parking lot of the shrink’s office. This is why I got a laptop: I am so often in transit that if I waited until I was settled at my desk, I’d never get any writing done. I think the woman two spaces away is in the same boat. She’s parked in her car, running the AC and eating something with a plastic fork. Poor thing, poor both of us. I’ll write ...