Some Questions I Have No answer To
Mar 21, 2013
Will I ever get married?
At 19, I would’ve called myself a 6 on the Kinsey scale; at 29, I’m more like a 4.5. Does that mean I’m basically heterosexual with severe homosexual tendencies? Or basically homosexual1 with slight heterosexual tendencies?
Could I ever get married to a woman if I were only, say, 35% attracted to her? Or what if it were somehow 90%? Would I want to get married, even then? Who has time for that? And is the priesthood really off the table, or do I still need to think about that?
What’s the difference between a cross and an obstacle?
Is there any difference? Do some things remain crosses until they are overcome, at which point they turn out to have been obstacles? Do you miss the point of a cross by thinking of it as an obstacle? Or do you miss the chance to overcome obstacles if you only think of them as crosses? How do you divide your energy between improving the quality of your life — therapy, exercise, support groups, self-help books — and just plain living?
Or do you just stop thinking about it and do the best you can?
What’s the deal with Catholic guilt?
Is it something that shows up in people who would’ve been neurotic anyway, or is there something about Catholicism that actually produces neurosis? And if so, is that what Vatican II was supposed to fix? And if so, did it work? Or is it something else?
What if Catholic guilt is just an occupational hazard of having something as strange and wonderful as the Sacraments, which God decided was worth it even if it’d make us a little nuts, just like He decided it was worth it to give us the book of Revelation, even though He knew what kind of crazies would get ahold of it?
What does it mean to be a Gershom?
Which parts of me are me and which parts are my family? Does that question even make any sense? Could I have had the good bits of Gershomhood without all the crazy bits, or are they so closely intertwined that you can’t uproot one without killing the other, like wheat and tares?
Just what the hell is going on here?
Is it because it’s Lent and all manner of forces are at large, within and without my poor embattled brain? Is it because I’m doing something wrong? Is it because I’m doing something right? Do I need more sleep? Less exercise? More omega-3? Less TV? More prayer? How long has it been like this, and how long will it continue?
Or am I doing just fine?