Strange Gate

2 years ago with 8 comments in Uncategorized
I don’t like disagreeing with people. I tend to do it badly. Either I’m silent when I should be vocal, which makes people assume I agree with them when I don’t, or I rip somebody’s head off about something that doesn’t matter at all, like the other night when I badly hurt a dear friend’s feelings during what was supposed to be a lighthearted argument about ...

The One Right Thing

4 years ago with 19 comments in Uncategorized
Grave harm has been wrought…by teaching that a man must find the will of God, never his own, in all things. Where we are within reality and there are ten reality choices, it is man’s choice that is absolute, that makes the choice right. There is then no need to be on the perpetual alert to find the one haunting, threatening, objective good thing to do. God wants us to wish. In our ...

It’s The Hope

4 years ago with 27 comments in Uncategorized
It’s not the despair…I can take the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand.1 Seems like nearly everybody knows about my SSA these days. My landlord knows, for goodness’ sake. My landlord, H., also happens to be a coworker and an old friend, and someone who’s been through a lot himself — even before I knew some of the details, I always thought he had the ...

Moving Out, Pts. I-II

4 years ago with 18 comments in Uncategorized
I: ENOUGH PEANUTS [Nota bene: This story is in four parts, and parts I-III are pretty grim, but there’s a happy ending. Also, there is a lot of smoking and no small amount of tears.] ★ I’m making Friday night plans with my brother Caleb. He’s saying we could stay in and watch a movie, or go out and get some drinks. “Or,” he says, “if you want to — and ...

Concede Diem

5 years ago with 13 comments in Uncategorized
“Death is the mother of beauty.” Dear Wallace Stevens, you brilliant, urbane, doddering old insurance-salesman of a poet: no it isn’t. Yesterday being All Souls’ day, I spent some time thinking about death. I wasn’t depressed. I felt (and feel) great, actually. Thinking of death is what you’re supposed to do on that day and on Ash Wednesday and at the very ...

The Boys’ Club

5 years ago with 12 comments in Uncategorized
It’s almost embarrassing to say it, because I had forgotten that I used to feel this way, but: I used to blame myself for having SSA. I thought, if only I’d hung out more with other guys and learned to be like them; if only I hadn’t quit the street hockey team, and soccer, and little league; if only I hadn’t faked sick on field day. If only I hadn’t been so ...

If It Ain’t Baroque

5 years ago with 37 comments in Uncategorized
A reader recently asked what I think of reparative therapy — therapy aimed specifically at getting the gay out, so to speak. I’m not too sure. I’m not a fan of the name, first of all. All therapy is reparative therapy, ‘cuz we’re all broken,1 so calling this kind reparative therapy is a little like saying: Yeah, but you’re a mess! You like dudes! ...