Redlining, Part V of V: Concave and Convex

2 years ago with 16 comments in Uncategorized
Just because a thing can’t be, doesn’t mean it’s not good. Let me clarify. Imagine this. Boy meets girl: call them Dick and Sandra. Dick falls in love with Sandra. Dick marries Sandra. Now Dick and Sandra both get ten years older. They are no longer as young as they were, and no longer as changeable. The selves they have by this time become, are more or less the selves that ...

Redlining, Part IV of V: Oak and Orchid

2 years ago with 11 comments in Uncategorized
So okay, let’s say my and Ryan’s friendship is like that: let’s say it’s made of steel underneath, and the other bits have just got to fall away. What about the eros — does that fall away, too? Even if the answer is “no”, I’ll take it. What’s the alternative? Drop him because the friendship isn’t worth the price? I complained to ...

Redlining, Part III of V: Cold Morning

2 years ago with 11 comments in Uncategorized
“It wasn’t that I thought you would freak out.” I’ve just, unthinkably!, told Ryan G. that I’m attracted to him, and now I am explaining why I didn’t tell him before. “I just thought you might start to…I don’t know…” “Keep my distance?” Ryan says it with a grimace, like it is the stupidest idea in the world. Not ...

Redlining, Part II of V: I Can Deal With That

2 years ago with 9 comments in Uncategorized
I am trying to answer the question of whether a man can fall in love with another man. Last time, I talked about when I did, in fact, fall in love with S.; which might or might not mean that the answer is exactly “yes”. On to the next part of the story. ★ Ryan had just invited me to spend the weekend at the beach house his family had rented, which was perfect, because I had just ...

Happy 100, Gabriel Blanchard!

3 years ago with 19 comments in Uncategorized
I’m working on a real post or several, but in the meantime, I am going to piggyback off of Mudblood Catholic’s 100th post. What a post. Here are the bits that made me nod and grin the hardest. [Indented bits are him, other bits are me.] ★ The trouble about discussing sexuality — and this is not peculiar to gay sexuality — is that it involves you in nearly ...

Locker Room, Part I: Charge

3 years ago with 10 comments in Uncategorized
An earnest gay reader1 wonders how to comport himself at the gym: My first instinct is to say, “Okay, simple. It’s an occasion of sin for you, so even if you’re okay in the locker room, forget the shower or sauna, or even the pool sometimes. Even if that means you have to drive home all sweaty and stink up your car.” But then — motivated probably by equal parts ...

Lattice

3 years ago with 13 comments in Uncategorized
“True friendship,” says C. S. Lewis, “is the least jealous of loves.” We in the SSA crowd, or anyway the neurotic crowd, or maybe just the human crowd, hear that and cringe, because so many of us are such amateurs at friendship, amateurs in every sense: we dabble in it, we’re fascinated by it to the point of obsession, and our talent for it is decidedly ...

Slowly

3 years ago with 6 comments in Uncategorized
J. and I have been driving for four hours or so, with C. asleep in the back seat. Even though the setup is perfect, we haven’t had a single DMC1 yet, just a stream of banter as we find the places where our senses of humor fit together. Is something wrong, or is this good? Is this how friends are? There are some things you can ruin just by thinking about them too hard. All we have to do ...

Dear Steve: Obsession and Identity

4 years ago with 12 comments in Uncategorized
My dear friend A. recently revealed to me that she’s bisexual, or whatever you want to call it — I’m no more comfortable with that term than I am with the term “gay,” but you know what I mean. I’m pretty sure female homosexuality is a whole different beast from the male variety, but some of the stuff is just Human Stuff. Anyway, A. said I should feel free ...

A History of Tears

4 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
“Oh, stop crying already.” It’s twenty years ago, but I remember the exact tone of my father’s voice, equal parts impatience and disgust. To me, crying is something that happens, not something I can decide to do or not do, so his command makes me burn with all the anger of which a nine-year-old is capable, which is a frightening amount. But there’s nobody I can ...