Dowsing

3 years ago with 31 comments in Uncategorized
Warning — this post contains crude words and crude humor. It is for grownups, and by grownups I mean “people who are okay with jokes about people’s private parts, and some serious discussion about what those parts do sometimes.” There, that ought to make sure everybody reads it. Frank, the group leader this week, interrupts Gordon’s monologue: “I just want ...

Masks

4 years ago with 15 comments in Uncategorized
Back when I was in college and as crazy as a bedbug — a bedbug on a steady diet of caffeine, nicotine, and Nietzsche — I decided I was the phoniest bastard in the history of the universe and I wasn’t going to stand it anymore. I lie constantly, I told myself, and not only in words: I lie with my face, my tone of voice, my gestures, and even the way I walk. That raised ...

Sodom and the Madonna

4 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
“What on earth am I doing?” is what I completely fail to think, as I position my hand so that when the portly-but-attractive bartender (has he been giving me the eye, or is it my imagination?) puts my glass back down on the counter, his fingers will make contact with mine. It works — can’t have been by accident, he could easily have avoided the touch — and I also ...

Here’s the Thing About That

4 years ago with 9 comments in Uncategorized
Well, this is an interesting time: it’s the first time that the majority of the people I see most days know that I deal with SSA. I told roommate #2 last night (roomate #1 has known for several weeks), when we were discussing the imminent move and he wondered out loud if there was some way they could get me to stay. “Well, here’s the thing about that,” I say to C., ...

Servants of the King

5 years ago with 10 comments in Uncategorized
It would be funny if it weren’t so embarrassing, the thought of a grown man like me hoping that the teacher is going to come tell me I’m doing a good job. By “teacher”, of course I mean “Sifu.” Lord, how I love Kung Fu. I love it a surprising amount. I know I’m a little bit of a dilettante — I love to pick things up, but I don’t always ...

Contact

5 years ago with 15 comments in Uncategorized
How do you talk to strangers? What are the rules? Nobody knows. I’m usually happy when a stranger speaks to me, and some strangers are happy when I speak to them, but everybody’s worried: will he think I’m weird? When I say Good morning, do I mumble or enunciate? How big is too big to smile at someone you don’t know? The other day at the gym I kept catching the eye of ...

It’s Not You, It’s My !@#$ Celibacy

5 years ago with 26 comments in Uncategorized
I tried for over an hour to write this post about what happened today at the gym. It was about how, even though I found out my gym buddy Eddy is gay, and found this out by him hitting on me, and had to tell him that yes, I’m (1) gay, but also (2) Catholic and therefore (3) celibate, I feel nothing but good and satisfied and proud of myself. Well, I do feel good and satisfied and proud ...

Quick Link

5 years ago with 4 comments in Uncategorized
AoM responds to Ian Lang’s assertions over at the cesspool known as AskMen.com. Sample assertion: Finally, do you think your dad would enjoy lying in a field with you making daisy chains and contemplating what it means to be a man? No. He would tell you to work hard, that life doesn’t ever get easier and to stop being such a pussy. Snip from the response: Yes, a man should be a man of ...

Cut

5 years ago with 19 comments in Uncategorized
Hooray for the gym! Three months after my last sciatica1 flareup, I’m finally back in action, and up to a little bit over a quarter mile in the pool. Today around 4:00 I felt like I could barely type another line of code; now at 8:00, after a good swim, I’m full of energy. Sadness particles dissolved. Maybe the fish oil2 is helping too. Physical fitness is great, mens sana in ...

The Boys’ Club

5 years ago with 12 comments in Uncategorized
It’s almost embarrassing to say it, because I had forgotten that I used to feel this way, but: I used to blame myself for having SSA. I thought, if only I’d hung out more with other guys and learned to be like them; if only I hadn’t quit the street hockey team, and soccer, and little league; if only I hadn’t faked sick on field day. If only I hadn’t been so ...