Shark Tank

Welp, I managed to host another party. This one was to say goodbye to my apartment, since I’ll be moving out this Feb. I had TWENTY people over.1 I was planning to do the good host thing when each person came: take the coat, get them a drink, get them talking to somebody, then wait for the next one.

Instead, since everybody was fashionably late by almost exactly the same amount of time, they all descended on my apt. within about fifteen minutes of each other. So I started going “Have you met Dave? Can I get you a beer? Let me take your coat! DO YOU WANT SOME CHILI??”, which is not so much welcoming as overwhelming, and pretty soon I was so confused that I just started introducing people to their beers, shoving their coats into the chili pot, and pushing them bodily into the hall closet.

No, but seriously, after I settled down a little, I noticed that everyone was talking to everyone else WITHOUT MY HELP. Phew. So I narrowly avoided the trap of overhosting, and just had a good time. I was also pleased when the neighbors not only stopped by but stayed a few hours, and proved not to be too cool for my geeky friends, nor too heathenish for my Christian friends.2 And everybody had the good sense to leave by about 2:00, which is a lot better than last time.

Throw in a Baptism for my new niece, a nice chat with my father, and an (admittedly sort of lucky)3 win for the Pats and that makes a pretty good weekend.

So, hey, not to brag too much, but if you’re the sort of person who would prefer (1) swimming with sharks, (2) hara kiri, or (3) both, simultaneously, to actually (4) being in a room with a bunch of other people who want to make SMALL TALK — it does get better with practice, like almost anything else.

1 Not that I counted them up by name just now because I secretly believe there is a direct correlation between the number of guests who will come to my party and my coolness. Nope, nothing like that.
2 if A = {My geeky friends} and B = {My Christian friends}, then
A ∪ B = {Pretty much all my friends},
A ∩ B = {Most of my best friends}, and
{The neighbors} ⊂ (A ∪ B)’.

3 Not that they didn’t fight hard, it’s just that, dude, I could’ve made that field goal. (Nope.) I just hope nobody lynches poor Billy Cundiff.

4 Comments on “Shark Tank”

  1. Kevin says:

    A kicker has a sad existence. He’s either invisible, or the most hated
    man in the city.

  2. Gabriel says:

    Eurgh. I was just at a young adult thing at my parish last night with a bunch of people making small talk, and it was literally one of the most uncomfortable nights of my life. Tonight, conversely, I spent nerding it up at my friend’s place with our D&D campaign. Go ahead and judge, haters, I don’t even care.

  3. Chris says:

    Not only is there no hate, there’s envy. Been years since I played D&D, and decades since it was more than a solo game with my best friend. And I’d much rather have been doing that today than watching the Ravens give the game away and let the dreaded Pats waltz into the Big Game.

  4. Babs says:

    Wow, if ever I doubted your geekiness, that second footnote sealed my belief. You are a HUGE GEEK, which of course makes you way cool.

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