An Hour With Jesus

Hey, Jesus.

I mean. Hello. Hail. O Jesus. This carpet always smells funny. God, that twinge in my back. Sorry: I mean gosh. Hello, Jesus. Mind if I sit close to you today?

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Sh★t, I’m late again, only five minutes this time though. Hi, T., you sweet old lady; sorry about that, you can go now. Okay, focus.

7:05. That means I should probably stay five minutes extra, right? But I don’t want to be legalistic. Jesus, it’s not like staying for five more minutes will make you love me any extra, right? But it’s just five minutes. Well, let’s see how it goes.

Focus. Bless us, O Lord, and these thy…I mean. Can we start again?

Hello, Jesus. My back hurts. Sorry, I don’t mean to start in on you with that already. It’s just frustrating, is all. I mean how am I supposed to pray if my back hurts? Okay, offer it up. Here we go: Jesus, I offer you this back pain. You can have it for my friend C. You can have it for my roommate P. You can have it for my sister A.

Sh★t, that hurts. I’m going to sit on the floor. You don’t mind, right? That’s better. Yeah, what are you looking at, lady, you pray your way and I’ll pray mine.

Jesus, I haven’t been feeling so good. I can’t shake that sadness this week. Sorry, I don’t mean to start in on you with that already. I mean, it’s just, am I doing something wrong? What do I need to do better? COULD YOU MAYBE LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE?

Sorry. I mean: thank you, Jesus, for whatever the HELL…Sorry, thank you, Jesus, for the great things that you are accomplishing in my life. Thank you even for this sadness. I don’t know what it’s for; but you know. Help me to thank you for this. I am offering up this sadness for O., who is worse off than I am. Lord, take care of him, please. And poor confused T. She doesn’t know her ass from her elbow. And her grammar…Sorry.

Okay, ouch. I’m moving to the recliner. Has M. been sleeping there again? I think I saw her drooling on it last week.

Phew, that’s better. ONLY 7:15…Thank you, Jesus, that we have lots of time left together this morning. I love spending time with you. I wish I could have been there to sit at your feet. I’d probably cry on them…I wonder if Mary Magdalene got snot on his feet. Ew, and then she wiped the snot up with her hair.

Try this. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside the still waters. Can’t wait for the beach this summer. He restoreth my soul. You do, Lord, you restore it. He maketh me to walk in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou…for thou…okay, breathe. Sheesh, f★cking hard week. Sorry, sorry! For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest…I wonder if that guy up front is upset too or if he just has allergies. I need to go get some toilet paper. Be right back.

Here I am again. Here I am, Lord. I know you love me. I remember what you did for me, I meditate on all your doings. I remember: From anguish you released me; have mercy and hear me! I remember college, I remember how you led me out of the desert, eight years ago. And five years ago, too. And three years ago. And I remember what you did for me on Easter. I can’t wait for Pentecost…

…Awesome nap…oops. Wow, 8:03! Perfect. I mean, sorry. I’m totally going to stay those extra five minutes. Only two left.

Okay, Lord. Thank you for this time together. Sorry for, you know. All that. I was trying. Okay, not very hard. I’ll try to listen better next time. See you soon.

Beautiful out here. Thank you for that. Oh, I smell lilacs.

26 Comments on “An Hour With Jesus”

  1. Jamie says:

    Bahahaha…I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  2. Ron says:

    Wow – this could have been a transcript of my last time at Adoration. I usually end by saying something like “Lord, you can have all my distractions from the last hour ’cause that’s all I’ve got today”

  3. Sky says:

    HA! I’m not the only one who swears in prayer. Can I just say I love that I can? Like, I don’t, you know… *love* it, and deep down I know that I shouldn’t and I wish that I wouldn’t, and ultimately I want to reach a place where I won’t – or won’t even want to – but I love that I can be real with Jesus. There have to be unhealthier ways to express frustration, right? At least it’s not in public.

    Case in point: I may have thrown rocks at the sky in a fit of (holy?) rage on more than one occasion. God, I hope no one saw me.

  4. George says:

    Steve, you again shock me with your similarities. It’s like reading me think. Sending you a big virtual hug and many prayers. It is comforting to know there are others making the same stumbling spiritual journey.

    And not to change the topic, but as a back pain sufferer, please do get your back checked out! I’ve had about 4 injections to reduce the inflammation. Now I think we can stop them and i’m doing some PT to correct my posture and strengthen my core. It’s a world of difference. Don’t worry – you will still have plenty of things to offer up. πŸ˜‰ I feel your pain (literally) – ok maybe not completely literally cuz that would be ridiculous, but pretty d*mn close.

    1. Thanks, George. I am getting treatment — have been trying all kinds of things.

    1. Yeah, those were for you, Hallie.

  5. Tammy says:


    The best writers seems to capture the readers life in many ways. You do that and it’s a real talent. This post seemed like someone was peeking in on more than one of my adoration times. Sometimes adoration feels so discombobulated and looooooong and other times you are lifted up so high spiritually that one hour is not enough. Thanks for keeping it real and for starting my day off with a chuckle.

  6. Caitlin says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one. I find that I am particularly distracted when I go in with the intention to, “make this a good one.” Usually my distraction is worse before Mass because I’m supposed to be preparing myself and I feel all this pressure. Then there’s all the people coming in and finding their seats. The moment I see a bad outfit it’s all over…. sigh. Plus the swearing…. need to work on that too. πŸ™‚

  7. Hallie says:

    Really? I’m so touched.

  8. Lauren says:


  9. Aaron says:

    Really, do you have to follow me around and read my thoughts. Well all except the f bomb, the Lord in his wisdom took that away a few years ago. Now Lord can you take away the lust. LOL. I know when I am dead. Sorry, forgot this was your blog and not mine.

  10. Annamaly says:

    Oh my gosh, this is so blatantly true that it is hilarious!!! I am so glad that I am not the only one who has had adoration hours like this. Please, keep writing!! I get sad when I go a week without a Steve Gershom blog post. You are in my prayers often. πŸ™‚

  11. georgeyork02 says:

    For those of us with a longer journey, Great, inspiring.
    Thanks for sharing.

  12. Devra says:

    Oh boy, that was a good one!

  13. I think anyone who reads this will do so with a big fat grin on their face!!

  14. Caitykins says:

    The whole time I was reading this, I kept thinking “I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!!!! YESYESYESYESYESYES!!!”

    Awesome, AWESOME post! Keep them coming!!

  15. CK says:

    “This carpet always smells funny.” Always my first thought!!

  16. Chris says:

    We all do it, but we think we’re the only one who does. All it took to break the illusion was one man with the nerve to admit it. Great job, Steve.

  17. Frank says:

    Interesting, you do capture something about adoration, the mind distractions etc but really, the swearing stars….I don’t need to read between those lines, sorry.

    1. That’s all right; no need to apologize.

  18. Theodore says:

    What a blittering idiot!!! Go back and learn how to adore and worship the lord in spirit amd in truth.

    1. I think you mean “blithering.”

  19. Theodore says:

    Sorry I lost it there. But this is why they think catholics are idol worshipers or ignorant at best. People don’t go in the presense of their king unprepared and blabbling incoherently.

    1. I think you mean “babbling.”

  20. Theodore says:

    Take about 10 minutes to collect your thoughts with deep breathing exercises and leave some of the baggage behind. and please slow down and watch the words that come out before you spit them out like that. Yes tell the lord about your back pain and everything that bothers you but please talk to the king of kings with all the greatest respect and honor. He deserves it He earned it too. God bless you. Theo.

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