I’m still trying to hone in on exactly what these drugs are doing for me. This is the best way I can express it so far: they seem to dull my interpretive faculty.
That sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not. If my interpretive faculty would just stay in its place, I wouldn’t want to dull it. But it has a habit of getting mixed up with everything else, and sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong.
Example 1: I am having a conversation with friends. I say something I think is funny, and nobody laughs.
- Undrugged Interpretive Faculty jumps in and says, “You are trying too hard to win people’s affection. They have detected this, and have decided not to laugh on purpose to show you that you should stop trying so hard. Therefore, I’ll be taking the reins now, so I can screen everything that comes into your head for ulterior motives.”
- Drugged Interpretive Faculty says: “That wasn’t as funny as I thought, was it?” And then notices that nobody laughed at the last thing my friend said, either.
Example 2: I am sitting in church, getting ready for Mass. My friend joins me. I notice that when he slides into the pew, he leaves a whole person’s worth of space between us.
- Undrugged Interpretive Faculty says, “Since he knows about your SSA, he has probably decided that it would be an occasion of sin for you to be within 12 inches of another man. Does he really think of me that way? Or possibly he is disgusted by the idea of being close to another man who might conceivably be attracted to him. How hurtful! You should consider sitting him down and explaining to him that he doesn’t need to worry about either of those things, although by doing so you may run the risk of weirding him out even more. At the very least, then, will you please allow me to obsess about this for the next hour and ignore the miracle that is taking place on the altar? K, thx.”
- Drugged Interpretive Faculty says, “Oh, it’s nice that when he arrived at Mass he decided to look around and see if I was here.”
I don’t really know the extent to which the drugs are responsible for this. Maybe they’re only responsible for 50% of it, or 25%, or none. But whatever’s going on, I vastly prefer this version of myself. Drugged interpretive faculty is such a nicer person! I think we’ll spend more time together.