Fragment: One Reason it makes sense…

…to publicly disclose your homosexuality, if that is what you want to do:

If you ask me to live a life where, in casual conversation with friends, I never make reference to anything that has to do with my sexuality, then you’re asking me to live a life that is very much different from the lives of 99% of the population.

Which is to say, most people don’t talk about their sexuality nonstop, and if they do, there’s something wrong with them. But most people don’t have to take GREAT CARE to NEVER mention anything that has to do with their sexuality — and if they do, there’s something wrong. Not necessarily something wrong with them, but maybe something wrong with the society who made them feel that they had to live that way.

Straight people don’t keep discussions of their sexuality between them and their therapists and spiritual directors, because their sexuality is not shameful. So I shouldn’t have to, either, because mine isn’t, either.

So, to the (relatively very small contingent of) people who are put off by my public declaration: given the fact that gay people already have to live lives that are different from the vast majority of the population, do you really want to burden us further by stipulating that we never ever mention those bits of our lives that are different?

So, no, I don’t plan to talk about this all the time. I just love (O how I love!) being able to do so, if I feel like it, without it being a Big Thing, and without it requiring mounds of explanation first.

Happy Sunday.

7 Comments on “Fragment: One Reason it makes sense…”

  1. richard says:

    Well said. Especially the last paragraph.

  2. Thanks for sharing, for your authenticity and willingness to share. This is not an area that I understand and so My decision is to listen and learn rather than attack and condemn.

  3. Rob says:

    Joey, just found your site and have been reading. As a SSA burdened man I appreciate your situation, though I’m not Catholic like you. I went to a JIM years ago and if effected me greatly, but I took the good with the “hokey” ( but I don’t know to what you refer) but there were parts that were more helpful than others. The main thing is with SSA that I came away with is, it is so much more than just about desire or sex. At least for me. I had an epiphany at JIM that helped me open up and talk about SSA with my parents and siblings and a couple of friends. That was hard, but I got nothing but support.

    I tried staying in touch with a few of the guys I met at JIM and quickly realized that my healing was not shared. After about a year I stopped contact will all but one because they’d not made any real progress. The one that did got married and started having a family. I’m single and celibate as far as SSA, but as this last guy continued to progress in a normal family, I had less in common and slowly we’ve not stayed in contact.

    I came to the conclusion that the Lord uses some of us differently than others and love us all greatly. That was one of the things I took home from JIM. That and realizing I wasn’t alone. Also, I have great empathy for abused kids, as I was sexually abused at a young age.. that though what happened to me and has affected my adult life greatly, it has not ruined my life. My life serves a purpose, I just am not able to live the unaffected life that I would have without the abuse and SSA. I think we have an insight that pure straights cannot fathom. It is a burden, but maybe too, it is useful.

    I wish you the very best and know that as you reach out, you are doing great work. You never know who you will touch, or how they’ll be influenced not by something you post, but even by a comment left by a reader. thank you. Peace to you Joey and all that come here .

  4. Matt Jones says:

    Yes. Your unfiltered voice is a pleasure to read, by the way.

  5. Amy says:

    Your courage and willingness to put your entire life in the Lord’s hands are so inspiring. I am sure that your witness is reaching so many more people than you will ever know this side of heaven. God bless you.

  6. Nico says:

    Thank you for this, Steve/Joseph.

    You perfectly articulated what has been occupying my mind for a while now.

    More power to you!

  7. Lizzy says:


    I know were all called to be saints, but I believe it would be especially awesome for someone like you were to be canonized a Saint someday. How awesome would it be for people with a same-sex attraction to be able to look up to someone who struggled with the same thing as them?! If you know other Catholics who struggle with same-sex attraction, please encourage them to strive more fervently for the Sainthood along with you. Do not be afraid of the path that leads to holiness! When we follow that difficult yet fulfilling path, not only do we draw closer to the Lord ourselves, but we bring others to Him! Check out 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 for more encouragement. I pray that God will continue to bless you abundantly as you continue to do His work.

    In Jesus through Mary,
    Lizzy T.

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