My One Essential Piece Of Advice…

…for parents of gay kids:

For your son to go through life thinking of himself as Different and Damaged would be much, much worse than for him to go through life just thinking dudes are hot.

So, you know. Keep that in mind while you figure out what to do and what to say.

8 Comments on “My One Essential Piece Of Advice…”

  1. Mary Grace says:

    Help, I keep saying the wrong things to my 15 year old son!!!

    1. Hi Mary Grace,

      Please feel free to write to me at steve[dot]gershom[at]gmail[dot]com if you think I will be able to help.


  2. Debbie says:

    Thank you. Our sixteen year old son is the joy of our life. Literally. Both his father and I adore him. We are trying to help him through this and let him know he is loved by us and by his Father no matter what he chooses. I read your posts faithfully. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

  3. Abba says:

    Now you tell me! ~Abba

  4. Therese G. says:

    Thank you, Joey. Yes.

    And, as you’ve noted before, this doesn’t just apply to being gay. I’m not, but my absorption of similar messages throughout my growing-up years is something from which I’m still recovering, and only with the help of therapy and absurd quantities of grace.

    I get that it’s important as a parent to convey the reality of sin and of our sinful condition, and to teach your kids how to combat temptation. But push this too far or communicate it in the wrong way and, intentionally or not, you can cause them to start seeing themselves as damaged, or ruined, or never good enough – which can be just as much of an obstacle to Christ’s love and mercy as wishy-washy, relativistic moral teaching.

  5. Christine says:

    I imagine this would apply to teachers of gay students as well? I don’t think any of my students are going to come out to me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one or more of the students who comes into my classroom every day is struggling with SSA, whether they realize it or not.

  6. LaLaLand says:

    Something else not to do is completely ignore the fact that your kid has come out. Whether she’s living in accordance with your morals or expectations is beside the point – basically, ignoring her choices and what is obviously a HUGE deal to her, you’re kind of disregarding her humanity and saying “Well, it may be important to you, but we know it’s just a juvenile phase, so we’ll just wait until it goes away…” Instead of being there for her and giving the support she needs.
    Heartbreaking. Don’t make this mistake.

  7. M says:

    You should think about writing a book. So many people misunderstand the Catholic Church’s position on homosexuality (even many Catholics). A book by you about the Church’s stance, your experiences, and the advice you have for both straight and gay Catholics would be a wonderful resource for both Christians and non-Christians.

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