Plug: Common Themes

Ever hear of Tommy Prince, over at Common Themes? He is a gay Christian dude in what is being referred to, these days, as a “mixed-orientation marriage”, which is to say, he’s gay and his wife is straight.

I’ve been enjoying reading through his archives, and I really like his tone, which is clear and frank and free of self-pity.

On being broken:

At first it hurt my pride to hear that my brain just won’t let me be happy. I like fixing things and I hate it when I’m not sufficient to solve my own problems. He recommended counseling and St. John’s Wort—which I understand is like 1/20th of a Prozac. Sigh.

Before I started taking it regularly, I had to admit to myself that I was broken. That I needed something outside myself to be happy. That I didn’t have it altogether—no matter how many people I fooled. It was a tough pill to swallow.

But then, I should be used to that idea. It’s kind of central to the gospel: we need God. No one can be whole, happy, or healthy apart from his gracious offer to intervene and fix what we cannot. I had to accept that again, too.

On self-consciousness:

Some random comments about me maybe being gay reached my ears today. I’m not “out”, so of course they were pure speculation. I don’t even know what tipped them off—I’m not effeminate, but I guess I have some unusual mannerisms I’m not even aware of that strike people oddly. Oh well.

In talking with my wife about it, she advised me not to worry about my “tells”—whatever they are. I asked her if she knew what they were and she wouldn’t tell me. She was (correctly) afraid that if I knew what I was doing that seemed gay, I would stop. And she likes me just the way I am.

On accountability:

Just having someone else in the house helps me recognize when I’m hiding. When she and the kids are out-of-town and I’m home alone, I’m a mess. I enjoy the solitude for a bit, but it gets old quickly. It also helps that her love language is quality time, so I have that extra motivation to step outside my often narcissistic little bubble and enter her world.

Man do I need that.

It’s a cool little corner of the internet. Stop on by and give him a little encouragement.



3 Comments on “Plug: Common Themes”

  1. Jasna says:

    I recently found your blog and I would like to tell you that it helps me a lot to deal with my own struggles with sexuality, loneliness and my love for Christ and His Church. I wish I had your sense of direction. Thank you for being brave enough to stand for what you believe even though there is so much hate for the Church “these days”. It is refreshing to know there are still people who try to live according to Christ and his teachings. I feel so alone in this. But maybe it is different in your part of the World.
    Anyway, thank you for making me feel a little less lonely in that regard. Keep up with writing, I will be waiting for you next post.

    God bless!

  2. George says:

    Steve (Joey) thank you so much for posting this Post. I have read this with such emotion. My wife has too. It has done us good. We are a “mixed-orientation marriage” and it is inspiring to read Tommy’s journey with such positive and even humorous points of view. It is great to find other gay men who are married even when that is sometimes difficult and against most cultural viewpoints, but are in keeping with their Christian values.

    Thank you for finding him.

  3. Rivka says:

    Are you familiar with many couples in MOMs?
    One of my favorite blogs on the internet is by Josh Weed, a Mormon in such a marriage. While the MOM aspect of his life is certainly interesting, his very funny articles about his little daughters are equally worth reading.
    I recently found a cool article about a woman who was doing longitudinal research of the romantic lives of gay women, and found that some of these women ended up falling in love with men. She thought at first that either these women were mistaken about being gay, or were mistaken about their feelings for these men, but eventually she realized that was not the case.
    They were also able to develop sexual desire for these men.
    http://www.apa.org/monitor/feb07/lovesnot.aspx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *