Celibacy and Silence

There are a lot of very screwed up gay Catholics out there. By “screwed up” I mean isolated, neurotic, guilt-ridden, anxious, depressed, tormented, narcissistic, and self-pitying.

It’s impossible to say whether this is the effect of a regime of imposed celibacy. Because what we’re seeing is not just a generation of people who have grown up under a regime of imposed celibacy. We’re seeing a generation of people who have grown up under a regime of imposed celibacy and imposed silence.

Of the two, I very much suspect that silence is more destructive. Celibacy can ennoble. Silence can kill. Let’s make things easier for the next generation, and see how they turn out.

5 Comments on “Celibacy and Silence”

  1. Searcheress says:

    Totally agree…:)

  2. maria says:


    i got an email with a text written but, it was translated to portuguse ” the truth about attraction for the same sex. you are a great man. I am a catholic too and your words move me. thank you so much.


  3. Dan says:

    That’s the beauty of your blog – it gives us the courage to speak out, and at the same time to push celibacy. I’ve been silent for most of my 82 years, and celibate – and the silence has been by far the most difficult!

  4. MAX says:

    The celibacy seems to have evolved naturally as I’ve come to accept the self loathing. I guess all cultures have their masochism, but Catholicism is unique in providing it as an illustrious backdrop to martyrdom of the sexual self. Strictly imposed since childhood, the 1970’s were a difficult time to reconcile with catechism. The collision of adolescence with the onset of the AIDS crisis made the situation intolerable so I chose suicide. A Seventh Day Adventist mental hospital was a queer monastery. Heterosexual dalliances flourished, just as they had in the secular one. Gay individuals were rooted out, separated and banished, no matter their mental state. Even flush insurance accounts were, most surprisingly, not redemptive. Desperate loneliness compelled me to renounce God. Demonic possession followed. I reconciled with the Church following a gentle inquisition from a nonplussed bishop who absolved the sin with a rote of prayer I can’t recall. It’s been a standoff ever since. I claim atheism to cooperate with a vicious reality I can at least understand. Priests have always been decent to me. Physicians have been the corrupting force; I’ve swallowed a lot of chemistry. You sue the pharmaceutical companies if you can find the corroborating prescription slip from the appropriate strata of a thirty year mountain of them.

    1. That is a heck of a story, Max. I am glad you survived.

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