Four Short Graybles For My One-Year Outiversary As a Fancy Man

One year, almost. On August 9, 2013, my WORLD CHANGED FOREVER when I invoked the patronage of Daffy Duck and Edith Stein, in that order, and wrote a post telling the whole world that I [mostly] fancy men, and am therefore, arguably, myself a Fancy Man, which why isn’t that a euphemism yet?

(“Did you ever wonder if Joe was a little…you know, Fancy?” “What, you mean like ketchup?”)


Anyway, it turned out that my world didn’t change forever, or didn’t change all that much. My one big fear was that everyone would start now all of a sudden seeing me as a new kind of person, but it turns out that most of the people I know don’t think that way.

Still, I wouldn’t ever want to go back to how it was. It wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t as good as this. Here, by way of celebration, are four miniature pieces for you.


At a rest stop in Maryland, I bounce out of the van, swiveling my hips and joggling my head, and gush to my friend E. about how much better the road trip started getting as soon as I turned on my super-danceable mix CD.

“Y’know, Joe, I have to admit that sometimes I question your gayness” — he grins, being himself a My-Little-Pony-loving straight man — “and then you do something like this.”

I grin back. Pre-coming-out, I worked a bit harder to suppress my bubbly side; now, not so much. When I started grooving to, yes, Dancing Queen, I wasn’t thinking about whether it’d make me look effeminate or whether I could pass it off as ironically butch or whatever. I was just dancin’ ‘cuz I was happy.


Having nobody know that you’re gay is terrible. It’s so terrible I don’t know how anybody stands it without dying of asphyxiation.

Having a couple people know you’re gay is really great. It’s like opening up a window in that stifling midsummer room, sticking your head out, and gulping the cool breeze.

Having everyone know you’re gay is like being in that same summertime room, but with the window open all day long. You don’t go running over to the window every second to stick your head out of it, but you can, whenever you want to. And honestly, who has time to be hanging their head out a window all day? You have other stuff to do, and it’s actually nice in here now, because the breeze is moving through the whole room.


I’m chatting with Jack Pigford about how awesome Frozen was and how it was a throwback to the Great Disney Days of the ’90s and how it was so emotionally resonant and how it didn’t shy away from some really dark stuff and…I might be gushing a little bit. Jack thinks it was just sort of okay, and wonders what the big deal was.

I opine that maybe for it to be really emotionally resonant, like if you want to really understand where Let It Go comes from, you have to know what it’s like growing up with a reallly big secret, like maybe something that you’ve had to keep inside for a long time, like —

“You mean you have to be gay?”

Oh. Not exactly, I mean not just that. But also yes. Yeah, that.

Sometimes I forget that I don’t have to speak in vaguenesses anymore when describing the things that touch or move or wound or elate me. That’s rad.


JP: I’m gay.
M: Oh, are you?

JP: I’m gay.
P: …
JP: …
P: …So, do you mean you’re gay, or do you mean you “struggle with same-sex attraction”?

JP: I’m gay.
T: You ARE? Oh my GOD, I LOOOVE gay people!

JP: I’m gay.
B: That’s what I thought you were going to say.

C: I didn’t know you were one of those!
JP: What, a Catholic?

I: So. I hear you’re into dudes.

10 Comments on “Four Short Graybles For My One-Year Outiversary As a Fancy Man”

  1. Rose says:

    Love this, Joey! Thanks for a smile on this cloudy Friday. xoxo

  2. Leigh says:

    Love your honesty & your wit & your courage. You are constantly in my thoughts & prayers as I think on a daily basis how best to love my gay brethren (and sistren).

    Love that Third Way movie, too. LOVE.

  3. AspieCatholicgirl says:

    Your friend is another Brony 🙂 He’d get along well with my brother.
    Sorry, but I have to disagree with you about the Disney days of the 90s being great.

  4. Maggie says:

    love this all. prayers and high fives all around.

  5. richard says:

    I recall reading Edith Stein’s autobiography years ago.

  6. Lydia says:

    (And may I assume from the post title that you are a fellow Adventure Time fan?)

    1. Yesssss, I was waiting for someone to catch that. 🙂

  7. Derek says:

    One of the nice things about being away from the internet for over two weeks is getting to come back and read like 6 posts in a row.

    Keep up the happy dancing 🙂
    The story reminds me of a mix CD I made for swim practice in high school that was full of face-melting rock songs and, towards the end, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” The coach always pressed the skip button when it came on. Not sure why.

  8. Anya says:

    Happy Outiversary, Mr. Fancy Man! I’ve been reading your blog posts over some time now but thought that an Outiversary is a good time to de-lurk for a minute.<3

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