In a Box

7 years ago with 6 comments in Uncategorized
Round Two with Mr. Shrink — I’ll have to come up with a better pseudonym than that — gets another mixed review. On the one hand, he had some good insights about my family, stuff I’ve actually never thought of before. On the other hand, he also got a bit snarky when I said I’m from a family of eight. And when I said that no, I didn’t believe in ...

Second Thoughts

7 years ago with 5 comments in Uncategorized
Still thinking about this “something wrong with me” business. Two things come to mind, neither of them groundbreaking but both maybe worth mentioning. 1: It’s true that, objectively speaking, my sexuality doesn’t “work” the way it’s supposed to. On the other hand, this is true of everybody. I was particularly reminded of this fact when reading the ...

Go Shrink Yourself

7 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
I just met with my new shrink for the first time. When I told him I was Catholic, he went “Oh boy” — and said that he was, too, but that the Church’s teaching on homosexuality was something that he struggled with. He gave me a hard time when I described my same-sex attraction as “something wrong with me.” During the course of our 50 minutes, he also used ...

My Cup Sort Of Dribbleth Over

8 years ago with 6 comments in Uncategorized
One of the things I hate most about depression is not knowing what it means. Of course, it doesn’t have to mean anything: I’ve been short on sleep, my back hurts most of the time, and that means I can’t exercise, either. That’s a recipe for feeling crummy. The problem with being melancholy and overanalytical, of course, is that you’ve always got to figure it out. ...

On Sheep’s Wings

8 years ago with 8 comments in Uncategorized
But you and all the kind of Christ Are ignorant and brave, And you have wars you hardly win And souls you hardly save… Night shall be thrice night over you, And heaven an iron cope. Do you have joy without a cause, Yea, faith without a hope?1 “Faith without a hope.” Ugh. Sometimes that’s exactly what’s necessary. Whenever the liar’s lies start sounding ...

Rob Gordon vs. Joan of Arc

8 years ago with 8 comments in Uncategorized
“Part of chastity is not being too attached.” That was Father T during our most recently bi-weekly (supposedly) phone call. “Supposedly” because, as with the doctor, I usually wait until things are pretty bad until I give him a call. And, as with the doctor, if I just talked to him regularly then things probably wouldn’t get so bad. But I’m a man and men ...

Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That

8 years ago with no comments in Uncategorized
“I’m attracted to men too,” said Fr. S. in the confessional when I told him about my problem. He wasn’t fooling me. He’s not the kind of man you would even wonder about. Not that men with SSA are never virile; I’m plenty virile. (And if you disagree I’ll punch you in the head.) But he was clearly making some kind of Point. “If I see a man ...

Deep Dark Secrets, and Other Irrelevancies

8 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
I just dropped Sal off at the bus station. He’s moving on up north, to see his cousin and maybe get his old job back. My heart aches to see him go, and I know the apartment will be lonelier for a while, but it was time, and it was one heck of a visit. We didn’t do much while he was here. Watched a bunch of movies, drank a bunch of beer. Went to adoration, went to Mass, hung out ...

Sal

8 years ago with 1 comment in Uncategorized
Sal and I see each other every year or two. He’s the last of the three men in college that I tried to attach myself to, but unlike with the other two, once the infatuation faded, I still wanted to be his friend. Sal is an extraordinary person — affectionate, compassionate, and profoundly unconventional. He led a life that, at the time, I considered extremely romantic: never ...

Latin Mass

8 years ago with 3 comments in Uncategorized
Woke up late this morning, and the first church I tried turned out to have a ‘property for sale’ sign draped over their billboard, so their 11:30 was definitely not happening. I ended up at the Spanish Mass at St. Paul’s. I spent some time once with a religious order in Peru — that’ll have to be another post — which left me with some knowledge of Spanish ...