Delight

5 years ago with 5 comments in Uncategorized
It’s 2003, and I am afloat emotionally and spiritually and socially and nearly every other way a 20-year-old can be afloat. The administration keeps talking about community, like it has for the last three years: building it, taking part in it, respecting it, supporting it; but I don’t know what community is, don’t even know that I don’t know what it is. I feel like ...

Seen

5 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
The other day, because I’m not used to dealing with life without tobacco (12 days so far, whee!) and because I ran out of my meds accidentally that morning (I’ve got some more now) and because sometimes things are just a lot to take, I found myself sitting in my cubicle and looking at my screen through a blur of tears. Sometimes an attack like that can be dodged by refocusing, but ...

Spiders

6 years ago with 13 comments in Uncategorized
“You’re gonna have to call in a prescription for more adderal,” says an instant message from my friend S. “My head is all fuzzy.” Oops, that wasn’t for me. S. hastily explains that he was trying to chat his wife, but got the wrong window. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD for ages, he says, and the last couple of weeks has been trying to cope with it ...

Sodom and the Madonna

6 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
“What on earth am I doing?” is what I completely fail to think, as I position my hand so that when the portly-but-attractive bartender (has he been giving me the eye, or is it my imagination?) puts my glass back down on the counter, his fingers will make contact with mine. It works — can’t have been by accident, he could easily have avoided the touch — and I also ...

Moving Out, Pt. IV

6 years ago with 19 comments in Uncategorized
[ This story started here and continued here. ] IV: LEAVING VENUS I’m almost home from DC, and I stop to text Father T: Nearly there. Stopping by chapel for half hour. If all goes well in prayer, is it okay to tell them tonight? I hate having to ask about miniscule things like this, but by now I don’t trust myself to see straight. Father T. texts back: Yes. It’s tempting to ...

With Coffee Spoons

6 years ago with 9 comments in Uncategorized
It’s spring, and I am rediscovering the pleasures of the coffee shop patio. A table over, three old Russians scratch lottery tickets. Two tables over, a man enthusiastically discusses his plans for a new kind of porn website (“classy; not like Hustler. That’s just how I was raised…how do you feel about photography?”). A group of Jews goes by, then a group of ...

Quick Thoughts on Romance

6 years ago with 72 comments in Uncategorized
I was going to post this as a comment to the last post, but since this is MY BLOG and my thoughts are THE MOST IMPORTANT so I get CENTER STAGE and also I am THE SMARTEST, I am going to make a WHOLE POST out of it. So. A few have noted that it’s possible for a man with SSA to have deep relationships with other men without these being sinful. I definitely agree. I think such friendships ...

The Smell of Grass

7 years ago with 16 comments in Uncategorized
Ever watch kids with their friends? I mean really little kids, like maybe first or second grade. At that age, having a friend means having someone who is around the same height as you, and doesn’t try to take your food. Or anyway doesn’t hit you when he takes it. Or anyway not too often. We grow up and things are different. Better, mostly, because there’s nothing like making ...

The White Stone

7 years ago with 12 comments in Uncategorized
Caleb and I both have terrible senses of direction. We were driving together once, trying to find our friend J’s house. I knew where it was, or thought I knew, but we ended up on the opposite side of town, a good twenty minutes from where we were supposed to be. The worst part was that we had just left a house where J’s brother was working, which I knew, but I hadn’t asked ...

In Which I Am Reminded What Nice Friends I Have

7 years ago with 8 comments in Uncategorized
Text message conversation this morning between my friend Rivka and me. She is studying to be a body psychotherapist. SG: This is not fair. No objective reason to feel sad, but it feels like my body is flooded with sadness particles. Stupid body. RJ: Here is what I would suggest from my clinical perspective — long term: take a multivitamin and tons of fish oil every day — b ...