Out of Egypt

7 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
I remember what it was like, being terrifyingly, nightmarishly depressed. I remember one morning in college in particular. I was 19, and had just fallen for someone, call him M., harder than I’ve ever fallen for anyone before or since. I remember waking up, and feeling the freedom of that split second before you remember everything, before the heaviness settles down. I remember ...

Learning How to Touch

7 years ago with 20 comments in Uncategorized
A couple of years ago I went to confession to Fr. B, an older priest with a slight New York accent, a pronounced shuffle, and a curmudgeonly demeanor. I explained — I hate the sins that take explaining — that I had put myself in a not-very-good situation. I was at the apartment of a friend, a man my age who also has SSA and who also has no intention of living as a gay man, though ...

Love-From-Woundedness

7 years ago with 26 comments in Uncategorized
Already I’m getting tired of this anonymity thing. I keep wanting to post on facebook to all my friends, about how excited I am about the new blog, about how many good conversations are likely to come from this. Also about how little prepared I feel to be anything like an authority on the subject, and how much prayer I need, not only about the daily, normal things that everybody deals ...

Second Thoughts

7 years ago with 5 comments in Uncategorized
Still thinking about this “something wrong with me” business. Two things come to mind, neither of them groundbreaking but both maybe worth mentioning. 1: It’s true that, objectively speaking, my sexuality doesn’t “work” the way it’s supposed to. On the other hand, this is true of everybody. I was particularly reminded of this fact when reading the ...

Deep Dark Secrets, and Other Irrelevancies

7 years ago with 14 comments in Uncategorized
I just dropped Sal off at the bus station. He’s moving on up north, to see his cousin and maybe get his old job back. My heart aches to see him go, and I know the apartment will be lonelier for a while, but it was time, and it was one heck of a visit. We didn’t do much while he was here. Watched a bunch of movies, drank a bunch of beer. Went to adoration, went to Mass, hung out ...

Sal

7 years ago with 1 comment in Uncategorized
Sal and I see each other every year or two. He’s the last of the three men in college that I tried to attach myself to, but unlike with the other two, once the infatuation faded, I still wanted to be his friend. Sal is an extraordinary person — affectionate, compassionate, and profoundly unconventional. He led a life that, at the time, I considered extremely romantic: never ...

Musical Chairs

8 years ago with no comments in Uncategorized
I admit that I don’t like Christmas much. Part of it, I guess, is just the standard stuff about why single people don’t like the holidays. Part of it is that I never seem to be in sync with the liturgical year: I always feel penitential during feasts, and weirdly happy during Lent. A little masochism, maybe. Part is that I tend to spend too much time at my parents’ house. ...