Voltage

5 years ago with 15 comments
I’m eleven, standing in front of a broad painting of a broad woman lying down with no clothes on. My father wants me to look closer — forget what the painting is about, don’t be embarrassed, but see the brushstrokes, look how many colors in the flesh! — but I don’t want to look closer. He puts his hand on my shoulder, nudges me towards the canvas. I’m not ...

Dowsing

6 years ago with 31 comments
Warning — this post contains crude words and crude humor. It is for grownups, and by grownups I mean “people who are okay with jokes about people’s private parts, and some serious discussion about what those parts do sometimes.” There, that ought to make sure everybody reads it. Frank, the group leader this week, interrupts Gordon’s monologue: “I just want ...

Reentry

6 years ago with 6 comments
The weirdest part of the Journey Into Manhood weekend was the week after it was over. After three days surrounded by men who understood me, supported me, had been where I had been and further, were free with hugs, and didn’t look at me funny after they had seen me all curled up and sobby, mainly because they had just got done being all curled up and sobby — I faced the problem of ...

Exodus Part 3: Journey Into Manhood

6 years ago with 4 comments
This is Part 3 of a four-part post. The final part will be posted tomorrow. ★ What does all this mean for Exodus, and the “ex-gay” movement in general? My own experience with the movement indicates that, like any movement,1 it contains some good and some bad. The Journey Into Manhood weekend is a perfect example. Some things about it were useless or hokey, and some things ...

A History of Tears

6 years ago with 14 comments
“Oh, stop crying already.” It’s twenty years ago, but I remember the exact tone of my father’s voice, equal parts impatience and disgust. To me, crying is something that happens, not something I can decide to do or not do, so his command makes me burn with all the anger of which a nine-year-old is capable, which is a frightening amount. But there’s nobody I can ...